Talk & consent

How to suggest new sex positions or play to your partner without awkwardness

By Editorial team

Quick answer

What is this?

Suggest one specific idea, at a low-pressure time, with an easy out. Lead with why you want closeness or fun — not with a critique of your current sex life. Text works if face-to-face feels loaded.

Why this is hard (and normal)

Many couples want novelty but fear rejection, awkward silence, or sounding “too much.” The fix is not a perfect speech — it is a small, kind ask with room for no.

When to bring it up

  • •Not mid-sex, not mid-fight, not when one of you is rushing out the door
  • •Good: after a sweet evening, on a walk, or a calm weekend morning
  • •Also good: a thoughtful text that says “no pressure to answer now”

Formula that works

  • •Care: “I love what we have…”
  • •Curiosity: “I’ve been curious about…”
  • •Specific: name one position, pairing, or idea — not a 20-item list
  • •Out: “Totally fine if it’s a no or a not yet”
  • •Next step: “Want to read a short guide together?” or “Want to try 15 minutes?”

Copy-paste scripts

I’ve been thinking about us trying pillow missionary sometime — mostly because I want to feel closer. No pressure if you’re not into it.
Would you be open to a low-key roleplay night, like strangers flirting at home? We can keep it silly and stop anytime.
I found a yes/no/maybe list for couples. Want to fill it out separately and only compare overlaps?
I’m nervous saying this, but I trust you: I’d love to try cowgirl with a slower grind sometime. What do you think?

If they say maybe

  • •Ask what would make it easier (more info, non-sexual version first, different night)
  • •Share one short guide link instead of a lecture
  • •Revisit once — do not campaign daily

If they say no

  • •Thank them for honesty
  • •Do not sulk-punish
  • •You can still ask about other ideas later; one no is not a forever ban on all novelty

If you are the one being asked

  • •You can say yes, no, or not yet
  • •“Not yet — tell me more” is a complete answer
  • •Your body and boundaries are not a debate club

FAQ

Should I send a porn link to explain?

Usually no — it can feel like pressure or a comparison. A short educational guide or your own words is kinder. If you share media, ask first.

What if I freeze in person?

Text or a note is valid. Many couples do their bravest communication in writing first.

How do I bring up new positions if my partner seems uninterested?

Do not campaign during sex or after a fight. Share one specific idea, why you want closeness or fun, and a clear out. If the answer is no, thank them. Interest often grows after trust, not after pressure.

Is it normal to feel nervous suggesting something new?

Yes — fear of rejection is the most common barrier, not lack of ideas. Nervousness means the relationship matters. Use a soft script, keep the ask small, and accept “not yet” as a real answer.

What if I can never say out loud what I want?

Writing is still communication. Fill a yes/no/maybe list alone, exchange notes, or send a short message: “I’ve been curious about X — totally fine if it’s a no.” Speech can come later.

How many new ideas should I suggest at once?

One. A 20-item list feels like a project plan. One position, one roleplay pairing, or one toy idea is enough for a first conversation.

Related pages in your keyword groups

Linked by topic clusters: Beginner-friendly bases · Soft couple roleplay · Talk & consent tools. Jump to guides, hubs, and tools that share the same search intent.

Educational ideas for consenting adults 18+ only. General play suggestions — not medical, legal, or relationship therapy advice. Stop if anything hurts. Consent can be withdrawn anytime.